How To Embrace And Conquer Pain

Let’s face it, sometimes you feel horrible. You feel like the universe is conspiring against you. It could be caused by an upsetting event, such as the end of a relationship or the loss of a job. Other times the feelings are elusive and unexplainable, thus attributed to the alignment of the stars or a chemical imbalance. All you want is to feel better.

Friends and coworkers may tell you to snap out of it, or find a meaningful project. As well meaninged as this advice may be, it can have a tremendous impact on your ability to effectively move forward.

Think about it. If you are angry and focus your attention elsewhere, do the feelings really go away? No. You are simply diverting your attention temporarily to avoid the experience. Even if you are not focused on the upset in the moment, you can rest assured it is still there. And it will be until you deal with the underlying issue.

Most people combat undesirable feelings by consciously or subconsciously creating a goal to feel better. However, consider the old adage, “The more you try to change things, the more they stay the same.” Trying to feel better will most often be a futile attempt.

I believe in living in the present. Although you may have to embrace something that you don’t really want, the more you deal with the now, the better the future. In college, there were moments when I would feel a little melancholy—it was typically due to women problems. Women were more important than grades. I didn’t do particularly well with either. For these occasions of sadness, I made this mix tape, aptly titled “The Depression Tape.”

When I felt down in the dumps, I would put that tape in the stereo, open a bottle of wine, turn off the lights, and allow myself to experience my sadness. Eventually I would fall asleep. When I awoke the next morning, I felt like a new man. The experience was very cathartic.

I have since learned to turn this approach into something a bit more, um, healthy. I have replaced the wine with journaling (better for my liver) and substituted the wallowing with a healthy dose of embracing the pain.

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How to Always Be On Time

If you have been around for a while, you might recall the Hertz commercials from the 70s where the ex-football star and criminal, O.J. Simpson, is running through airports hurdling over rows of departure lounge seats and luggage. I know of other road warriors who also run through airports, priding themselves in being able to arrive at the gate just as the doors are closing.

Not me. In fact, I tend to get to most places early. And there is a good reason.

My background is in process design where there is a concept called “the theory of constraints.” The general idea is that success is limited by at least one constraining process—a bottleneck. In the business world, this means if you want to improve capacity, the most effective way is to increase the throughput at the bottleneck so that overall throughput is increased. You can think of this as strengthening the weakest link in the chain. Or to provide a more visual representation, by expanding the neck of an hourglass, throughput will be significantly improved allowing the sand to move more rapidly to its destination.

These bottlenecks aren’t too difficult to spot. As an example, XYZ company launches a huge marketing campaign for a new product, but the call center is inadequately staffed to handle the volume of incoming requests. This bottleneck will cost them potential customers. By improving the throughput of the call center, overall throughput for the company will be improved.

While it is common for companies to employ the theory of constraints to improve business results, I also use aspects of this model to increase success in my own personal life. Take flying—with over 1 million miles of flying under my belt, I have never missed a flight. How is this possible? I identified the places where bottlenecks typically occur, and I put those behind me first.

There are many potential logjams we can face when trying to catch a flight: traffic on the way to the airport and long lines at the check-in counter, baggage drop-off, or security. Any one of these could prevent me from getting to my plane on time. I can’t predict when it will happen nor do I have the capability to minimize any of these potential bottlenecks (although I do try to fly during slower times when traffic to and in the airport will be less)…

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P.S. I’m curious.  Which do you think is a stronger title for this article – “How to Always Be On Time” or “How to Never Be Late”?  Please leave a comment with your thoughts.

Don’t Present What Can Be Pre-Sent

Being a professional speaker on innovation, I attend a lot of conferences and meetings.  And I am always amazed at how poorly most meetings are run.

One things in particular disturbs me…

When meeting time is used to present things that could have been sent via email.

Don’t do it!

Meeting time should be viewed as a huge investment in the attendees.  If you present information, status reports, or anything other static information that could be distributed before the meeting via email, you are wasting everyone’s time.

Next time you are holding a meeting.  Look at the agenda.  Decide what information can be disseminated in advance.  Then use the meeting time for conversation, networking, experiential learning, action planning, and other activities that can not be accomplished easily through electronic means.

When done properly, meetings can provide great value with a limited investment of time.

Tactics For Captivating Your Audience

I just returned from a fantastic weeklong cruise to the Southern Caribbean and noticed that it was structured similarly to others that I have enjoyed in the past.

Immediately upon arrival, there is much fanfare: champagne as you board; a band rocking out tunes on the pool deck; the captain and crew shaking hands and kissing babies. This is proceeded by an evening chock full of parties and gala events, including a black tie dinner. As the week progresses, the nights seem to be more low key. While there are still planned events, there is little in the way of hoopla. As the cruise nears completion, they pull out all the stops: another black tie dinner; a flaming Baked Alaska parade; headliner performances in the theater; numerous parties and celebrations.

The structure of the cruise got me thinking about a motto we have in the speaking profession: start your speech with your second best story and close with your very best.

Regardless of whether you are running a weeklong cruise experience, delivering a 45-minute keynote speech, selling a product or handling a customer service call, this is a great model for engaging customers. Start powerfully and end on a high note.

This process makes sense. By starting powerfully, you draw in your audience quickly, compelling them to listen. You then close in such a memorable way that they are left wanting more and are inspired to tell their friends. Be sure to create an experience—not just another conversation.

How can you accomplish this for all of your interactions?

First, plan your opening remarks. Don’t just wing it. If you are a speaker, have a compelling story crafted that you can deliver flawlessly each and every time. Or better yet, have several so that you can choose from one that will resonate with your audience. Grab their attention immediately by jumping right into the story. Ditch the “Thank you,” “Hello,” or “It is great to be here in Detroit.”

When crafting your opener, engage your audience. Don’t just speak at them. Use the word “you” more often than “I” or “we.” Patricia Fripp starts her opening story by saying, “I wish you could have been there.” This is an inclusionary tactic that increases engagement while reducing any potential creation of an egocentric view of the speaker. Another effective technique is to ask, “What would you have done in this situation?” This shifts the audiences from spectator to participant. These kinds of inquiries cause them to think, and thus engage.

These same techniques are not exclusive to the speaking world. Instead of just welcoming a customer who is browsing in the electronic section, you could start your dialogue with a fact: “Did you know that more customers buy xyz stereo than any other brand?” But use something more personal in nature.

If you are in a call center, what can you say that will engage the customer within the first second? If you are on site assisting a consumer, how can you build rapport with them instantly?

Once you have a strong opening, you can then engage them in appropriate dialogue about the product or service. This will take as long as necessary.

As you near the end of the customer interaction, close with your best material. Skilled speakers don’t end with “Thank you for your time.” They end with a story that leaves the audience on an emotional high. Give them something they will remember forever and will want to share with their friends. Even if they forget the rest of the speech, it is crucial that they remember the last few minutes.

What can you do to create a powerful closing experience? Is there a story you can tell? Can you make your customers feel uniquely special?My favorite story from the book Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive by Goldstein, Martin and Cialdini, is one where waiters were told to give customers mints with the check. This action increased tips slightly. But when the waiter left the check and mints, walked away and returned minutes later giving a few extra mints and saying, “I really like you guys,” the tips went through the roof.

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7 Strategies For Running Your Business While Pursuing Your Passions

People often live by the saying: if you want to get something done right, you need to do it yourself. While I have heard people toss this phrase around like a badge of honor, there is no philosophy more toxic for an organization, especially small businesses. Businesses of any size are complex and it is unrealistic to think that a small number of individuals will have all of the necessary expertise. So how do you determine where to focus your attention?

To illustrate an example of what not to do, let’s take a look at how I used to run my own business.

When sales were slow, I would put all of my energy into selling. Once the sales pipeline was full, I would then focus 100 percent of my time conducting speeches and advising clients. This meant, of course, that my sales pipeline would eventually dry up and I would need to refocus on selling once again. At some point, I would realize that my products were no longer innovative—and no amount of selling will increase sales. Therefore, I would shift my efforts and deep dive into R&D mode, creating a new book, speech or product. And the cycle would continue over and over again.

This is what happens when you do everything yourself. It is inefficient. And worse, it is exhausting.

If you are a small business owner, you need to focus on the activities that are at the intersection of your passions, skills and value. That is, what do you love to do, what are you good at, and what creates value for others. For everything else, find suitable partners who can help you execute.

Start by making a list of all of the activities that your business needs to do: new product development, sales, marketing, customer service, order taking, fulfillment, IT, HR, etc. Go to whatever level of granularity feels right.

Then, for each activity, rate its passions, skills and value quotient from low to high: high passion activities are those you love to do; high skills activities are those where you have the necessary expertise to execute effectively; and high value activities are those that are strategic to your business.

The result gives you seven different targeting strategies:

Strategy 1: Target high passion/high skills/strategic activities

This is the sweet spot of your business. “Target” these areas and put most of your energies here. If this is your core business, then you have chosen wisely.

Strategy 2: Outsource low passion/low skills activities

If you neither like nor do an activity well, then outsource it to someone who enjoys it and has the skills to execute it at a higher level. This can be done through bartering, hiring employees, using contractors, summoning friends and family, revenue sharing or other creative collaborative strategies. Employ this strategy regardless of the value dimension.

Strategy 3: Minimize low passion/high skills/strategic activities

If you don’t want your job to become work, you probably want to outsource these capabilities as well. If you are starting out and finances are an issue, you may want to continue doing these activities for now then outsource at a more appropriate time. Given that they are strategic in nature, someone has to do them as they are critical to your businesses success.

Strategy 4: Learn high passion/low skills/strategic activities

If you love doing these activities, then you may wish to acquire the necessary skills. This can be done through a variety of means including training, mentoring or researching. If you anticipate a steep learning curve, consider finding a partner during the learning process who possesses these talents. This will help you move forward while gaining the necessary skills.

Strategy 5: Extend high passion/high skills/tactical activities

If you are passionate and skilled in a particular area and it is not currently strategic (i.e., tactical), consider how you might “extend” that capability. How can you make this a strategic part of your business? How can you create extraordinary value for customers by leveraging this expertise? Perhaps one way is to offer this service to others who are in a similar business. For example, professional speaking is my core business. However, something that I am both skilled at and passionate about is securing business with large corporations. I could offer this as a service to other speakers as a source of additional revenue.

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