When a Goal is Not a Goal

This post marks the 500th entry on this blog.

Today I want to discuss how to have goals that are not goals.  How do you do this?

For most people the present is designed to give them a future they want.  For me, the future gives me the present I want.

Here’s what I mean in English…

Most people relate to their goals as something to achieve.  They will do things in the present in order to get to their desired future.

As a result, most people feel as though they are making sacrifices now (i.e., it is hard work) in order to fulfill on their goal and achieve happiness in the future. In fact, according to a survey I conducted, 58 percent of Americans are consciously and willingly “sacrificing today for the future.”  Unfortunately, 41 percent say that “achieving their goals has not made them happier and has only left them disillusioned.”  And that is for the people who achieved their goals.  Those who do not achieve their goals are typically even more unhappy.  And, as we know, most people don’t always get what they want (there’s a reason why the Rolling Stones wrote a song by a similar name).  In fact, according to my surveys, 92% of people say that they fail to fulfill on their New Year’s Resolutions, the most common goal-setting ritual.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t have goals.  The issue is with how we relate to those goals.

For me, the future “goal” gives me the present.  That is, it provides a powerful “context” for the work I do now.  Here is an excerpt from the Goal-Free Living book that explains it with a simple example.

Context is not a place to get to; it is something that changes your attitude and perception today. It is a mindset. To experience the power of context, imagine that as you read this, your phone rings. You answer the phone and the person on the other end notifies you that you won the raffle you entered last month. You and your family are going on an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii sometime next year. You jump for joy and become energized—now. Although this vacation is many months in the future, it changes your attitude today. This vacation hasn’t happened. It isn’t even real yet.

Imagine your future as a big and bold vacation. A vacation that is so exciting that you can hardly contain yourself now. A vacation that has you in action and playing hard every day. This is a vacation that you will never take. This is a vacation whose day will never come. Its sole purpose is to generate passion in your life today. A context. Something that calls you forward.

For me, my goals are not about actually achieving the result (although that would be nice).  Rather they are about playing full out each and every day.  I wake up every morning excited about what is going to take place that day.  Every day is a new learning experience with new insights and obstacles.  My “work” is never work and it is certainly not a sacrifice.  It is a joy. It is exciting.  When the future gives you a powerful present, the result is less important than the process. There is no sacrifice.  Each day is a new adventure.

If you found this article useful or interesting, please press the "Like" button and post a Facebook comment below.

What is Your New Year’s Theme?

New Year’s Eve is just around the corner.  Many of you know that I have a tradition of setting a “theme” for each year rather than a resolution.

My theme for 2009 was “cool things.”  And it definitely was a year of cool things.

I signed a 2 book deal with Penguin’s Portfolio imprint.  I became InnoCentive’s Chief Innovation Evangelist.  I had many wonderful trips to cool places, including several to London and Copenhagen.  And I got to speak at some very cool events like the Global Creative Leadership Summit and the FT Innovate conference.  Most important of all, my family remains happy and healthy.

I’m not sure what my 2010 theme will be yet, but I know great things are in store.

If you have not done so, please read my article on setting New Year’s Resolutions.The article explains the 6 steps for setting a theme, including “Choose a broad theme rather than specific measurable goal.”  Excerpts of this article have appeared in over 300 newspapers around the world, including Costco’s Magazine.

You may also be interested in some statistics about New Year’s Resolutions.  Here is a highlight of some of the statistics:

Only 8% of people are always successful in achieving their resolutions.19% achieve their resolutions every other year.  49% have infrequent success.  24% (one in four people) NEVER succeed and have failed on every resolution every year. That means that 3 out of 4 people almost never succeed. Regardless, there is no correlation between happiness and resolution setting/success.  People who achieve their resolutions every year are NO happier than those who do not set resolutions or who are unsuccessful in achieving them.

Happy New Year!

If you found this article useful or interesting, please press the "Like" button and post a Facebook comment below.

Goal-Free Living

I recently sent a copy of my Goal-Free Living book to someone I worked with 20 years ago. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since the late 80′s. The wonders of social networks reconnected us after all of this time. After reading the book, he wrote the following…

The time is right for your message. A lot of people have to reflect on where they are, and where they are going. It helps to know the difference between a goal and an aspiration. In an earlier message to you I said that I consider myself goal-oriented. Thinking about your points, however, I guess I am more like a river person. I have aspirations, and they lead me to some really unexpected but very satisfying destinations. Like you say: it is important to seek out adventure.

Since becoming unemployed in December, I have had a number of chance meetings and interesting ideas. One led to a volunteer project resulting in a very successful fund-raising event. Another is an invention that I am working to patent. Two other ideas are being developed into business plans, with prospective backers for one of them already. That might lead to something else entirely. I don’t know where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in six months. That’s kind of scary, but I am optimistic that it will be good, so I am also very excited.

Today’s crisis is causing people a lot of pain and concern.  Financial security is eroding.  Job security is vanishing.  As a result, “happiness” seems to be at an all time low.

If you found this article useful or interesting, please press the "Like" button and post a Facebook comment below.

Goals Gone Wild

My book, “Goal-Free Living,” provides counter-cultural perspectives on goal-setting.  I suggest that we are a nation of goalaholics, and that this is reducing creativity, productivity, and happiness.   Harvard Business School recently published an interesting paper, “Goals Gone Wild,” that supports my perspective.

The authors say…

In this article, we argue that the beneficial effects of goal setting have been overstated and that systematic harm caused by goal setting has been largely ignored. We identify specific side effects associated with goal setting, including a narrow focus that neglects non-goal areas, a rise in unethical behavior, distorted risk preferences, corrosion of organizational culture, and reduced intrinsic motivation.

Rather than dispensing goal setting as a benign, over-the-counter treatment for motivation, managers and scholars need to conceptualize goal setting as a prescription-strength medication that requires careful dosing, consideration of harmful side effects, and close supervision. We offer a warning label to accompany the practice of setting goals.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

If you found this article useful or interesting, please press the "Like" button and post a Facebook comment below.

Why Being Self-Centered is Good

This may seem like an odd blog entry, but it has been the topic of conversation over many dinners recently.

Although we are taught from a young age that being self-centered is a bad thing, I think that more people would benefit from being this way. Let me explain.

To start off, I am not suggesting that people should be selfish. I think of selfish as being “exclusively concerned with oneself.”

Being self-centered – in my opinion – is entirely different.

Centering is what you base your life on.

My parents are children-centered. For them, my sister and I are the most important part of their life. They live vicariously through us.

I have friends who are spouse-centered. They do everything in their power to please their partner.

Too many of my friends are work-centered. Their job is the most important aspect in their life. They get meaning from their career. It is no surprise that men are twice as likely to die during their first five years of retirement, than they are prior to retirement.

Others are service-centered. They give their lives to charity and others. They sacrifice their own well-being in the name of contribution. Oprah may fall into this category. One of the reasons she claims she put on all of her weight is that she did not spend enough time taking care of herself.

Which leads us to the benefits of self-centering.

Throughout your life, there is only one constant. You. Your children may pass away before you do. Your spouse may, in spite of all of your loving, leave you. Your job (as many people are finding out) is only temporary. Even service to others can be fraught with challenges.  If you center on someone or something else, you may be giving up control of your life.

Only YOU will be around for as long as you live.

Therefore, instead of centering your life on someone or something that may not be around as long as you, maybe you should try being self-centered. This gives you some level of stability in an unpredictable world. Even the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition – “independent of outside force or influence” – supports this notion.

Anyone who has flown on a plane has heard the flight attendant say, “If the plane loses oxygen pressure for any reason, the oxygen masks will drop down out of the small overhead compartment. If you are seated next to someone who might need some assistance, you should put your own mask on first, and then breathe normally as you assist the other person.”

Take care of yourself first. Be centered. Be grounded. Take control of your life and don’t get derailed by circumstances around you.

Being self-centered is NOT the same as being selfish. Those who are self-centered are NOT narcissistic, hedonistic, or self-absorbed. Because self-centered individuals are more grounded, they are able to give even more to others.  They have the potential to be even more generous and to make even greater contributions.

In some respects, this is in line with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (pictured above). Self-actualization (which is where I put self-centering) is the highest level, higher than esteem, love/belonging, safety and physiological needs.  Interestingly, creativity is listed under self-actualization.

What do you think?

P.S. Some may argue a more theological perspective. For example, Stephen Covey (of the 7 Habits fame) authored, “The Divine Center: Why We Need a Life Centered on God and Christ and How We Attain It.” As I try to avoid religion and politics in this blog, I’ll leave this discussion for another time.

If you found this article useful or interesting, please press the "Like" button and post a Facebook comment below.