Goal vs River People

Here is a brief article that describes two different types of people: river people and goal people.

http://www.innovationtools.com/Articles/SuccessDetails.asp?a=97

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Time is Not a Factor

I was recently having a conversation with two friends of mine, Sean and Joe. They both work for the same company. They both work crazy hours. But Sean has managed to live a full and complete life. He has a boat, has his pilot’s license, goes scuba diving, knows lots of people, has a girlfriend, and has an extremely active social life. Joe on the other hand spends most of his spare time watching television. Joe admitted that maybe he needed to apply some discipline and watch less TV. But he said that when he has tried to do that, he has not been successful. The problem is, discipline is not always the answer. Sometimes you need to find a passion that will pull you off of the sofa. Another friend of mine from the same company had a similar problem as Joe. She was busy with no social life. So she decided to take up horse riding. She quickly found that her life became fuller with more pleasurable activities, new social events, and a better outlook on life. She does need to make time for horse riding. Somehow there is always plenty of time for that, and for hanging out with the new friends she has made from her hobby.

In life, it is always difficult to stop a bad habit. I used to be a coke addict. Well, actually a Diet Coke addict. And every time I tried to stop drinking liters of cola a day, I would focus on it so much and want to drink more. Instead, I decided to let myself drink as much cola as I want, as long as I drink at least two liters of water a day. I now find I rarely drink much soda.

So although we may have convinced ourselves that we are busy, there are often huge opportunities to doing things we love to do even with a hectic schedule. It’s just a matter of taking the first step of finding something of interest, and then committing to doing it.

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Becoming a Success…The Goal-Free Way

I am putting the finishing touches on a chapter in Goal-Free Living entitled, “Use a Compass, Not a Map.”  And yesterday I had the great pleasure of interviewing Preethi Nair whose story is a perfect example of this lesson.

Like many people, she was very goal oriented early in life. “Within my family, everything was measured in terms of how successful I was; academic qualifications, my job profession, my salary. However, I always had a strong desire to be a writer. Not a goal as such, but an intention. But I buried those dreams. After graduation, I went into management consulting for 4 years. I know that 4 years is not a very long time, but every single minute of those 4 years I was deeply unhappy. I knew clearly it was not what I wanted to do. And also knew equally clearly what I wanted to do. I wanted to earn my living from writing.” So one day she decided quit her job to pursue her passion.

The problem was, she was in the process of buying a condo, so she was living with her parents. “I couldn’t suddenly say to them that I had no job to go to and that I was going to be a writer. So I decided to continue the illusion of work, putting on my suit and pretend that I was going to my job. I created a double life.”

After rejection letters from nearly every publisher, she wondered if she could really make this work. Undeterred, she decided to try different paths. She created her own PR agency. She established her own publishing house to publish her books. She got a booth at the London Book Fair. She visited 250 book stores to sell her book. She stumbled her way through the entire process, making mistakes at every corner. But she followed her dreams without plans, and eventually landed a three book deal with Harper Collins. And the BBC just recently acquired the rights to turn one of her books into a 90 minute television adaptation.

Preethi concluded, “I could never ever have planned any of this. I never could have said, this is what I am going to do and this is how I am going to do it. I was bumbling in the dark. I had a sense of direction, but had no plans. Some people may hear my story and think, ok, she had a goal. But for me, I am clear it was not a goal in the traditional sense. It was truly an intention; a sense of direction.”

Her full story appears in the book.

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Goal-Free Challenges

Goal-Free Living is a set of principles that can be applied to many different aspects of your life. And for each of us, there are some areas where we find it more difficult to achieve goallessness. Even I, someone who has been able to apply goal-free concepts to nearly every aspect of my life, have specific circumstances where I find it difficult. One area where I sometimes find it challenging is in new romantic relationships.

A while ago I was in a relationship with a woman who was beautiful, vivacious, and passionate. But there were issues. She was thinking of moving to another state, and this made me wonder if the relationship would last. So I tried to remain detached and to just enjoy each day without worrying about the future. A good goal-free concept. But my insecurity about the situation made detachment nearly impossible. Instead, I ended up trying harder and harder to keep her, and in the process ended up smothered her; I came across as clingy and needy. The outcome? We are no longer dating. The more I tried to make things work, the less likely they were to work. Paradoxically, too much attachment to an outcome often yields a failure in achieving it.

What area of your life do you feel insecure, or the risks seem high? Unless you can change your perspective, these may be difficult areas to remain goal-free.

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Playing One Game at a Time

Too many people have their sights set on the future; worrying about the next promotion, the next pay raise, or the next luxury car they can afford. But maybe focusing on your future goals has you miss opportunities today. When you strive for something in the future, you take your eyes off of the present.

Today I am celebrating another New England Patriots victory (for those of you who live outside of the United States or do not follow sports, the New England Patriots are an America football team). Last night the team won the AFC championship and is advancing to its third Superbowl in four years. Some people are calling the Patriots a football dynasty.

As some of you may recall, in 2004, the New England Patriots broke all records for the longest win streak in NFL history; 20 games in a row. This is an amazing accomplishment, especially in today’s environment of free agents. During a press conference, Head Coach Bill Belichick was asked to comment on this win streak. He said, “We did not have a 20 game win streak. We had 20 one-game win streaks.” His philosophy was to play each game the best they could. They did not worry about the past; although they can learn from it, they can’t change what has already happened. And they never looked to the future. Worrying about where you are going means you take your sights off the ball. If they do their best on each play of each game, then that is all they can do.

What if you created your life as 30,000 one-day win streaks? That is each day is the best you can make it. Ok, you won’t win every game, and every day is not going to be perfect. But with this attitude, you can’t lose in the long run. In fact, you may just break some success records of your own

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