What is Your New Year’s Theme?

New Year’s Eve is just around the corner.  Many of you know that I have a tradition of setting a “theme” for each year rather than a resolution.

My theme for 2009 was “cool things.”  And it definitely was a year of cool things.

I signed a 2 book deal with Penguin’s Portfolio imprint.  I became InnoCentive’s Chief Innovation Evangelist.  I had many wonderful trips to cool places, including several to London and Copenhagen.  And I got to speak at some very cool events like the Global Creative Leadership Summit and the FT Innovate conference.  Most important of all, my family remains happy and healthy.

I’m not sure what my 2010 theme will be yet, but I know great things are in store.

If you have not done so, please read my article on setting New Year’s Resolutions.The article explains the 6 steps for setting a theme, including “Choose a broad theme rather than specific measurable goal.”  Excerpts of this article have appeared in over 300 newspapers around the world, including Costco’s Magazine.

You may also be interested in some statistics about New Year’s Resolutions.  Here is a highlight of some of the statistics:

Only 8% of people are always successful in achieving their resolutions.19% achieve their resolutions every other year.  49% have infrequent success.  24% (one in four people) NEVER succeed and have failed on every resolution every year. That means that 3 out of 4 people almost never succeed. Regardless, there is no correlation between happiness and resolution setting/success.  People who achieve their resolutions every year are NO happier than those who do not set resolutions or who are unsuccessful in achieving them.

Happy New Year!

When You Sit on the Fence, You Get Splinters in Your Ass!

During the Q&A section of a presentation of mine on Goal-Free Living, a woman in the audience asked…

“I work in a cubicle in a well known technology firm and I am unhappy. How do I know if it is me or if it is my job? Do I need to change myself or change my job?”

I asked others in the audience for their answer to that question. Most people gave answers that hedged their bet. “Stay at your job while you explore other options,” or “If you are really miserable, find another job quickly and quit this job,” or the most outspoken, “Quit your job now! How could you work another day for the evil empire?”

My answer was a bit different.  I said,  “It doesn’t really matter.”

With the right mindset, every decision is the right decision. If you believe that the path you are on is the right one, then it is. Quitting your job doesn’t change things. You can change jobs all you like, but it won’t matter if you don’t have the right attitude. Conversely you can change your attitude and find new opportunities where you are today, without changing jobs.

We often fail to make progress in life (and business) because we want to wait until we have all of the “answers.”  We want to know all of the facts, look at everything from every angle, and study the details.  In the end, we just sit on the fence.  Instead of answers, maybe what is needed are decisions.

Sadly, many of us suffer from a mild form of  “decidophobia“  – the fear of making decisions.  It is human nature to avoid issues that make us uncomfortable or afraid, and therefore we decide not to decide. Indecision is a no man’s land with no direction and no progress.

Should I change my job?  Should I buy a new house?  Where should I go on vacation?  What should I do with my life?  These all seem like pretty big decisions.  And for most people they are.

We think “Oh, it’s so hard to make these big decisions,” when what’s really hard is the indecision.

In life there are no right or wrong decisions. There are only decisions. When we come to a fork in the road, we tend to overanalyze it. We might say, “I have an opportunity to create this new business venture but . . .” So we end up staying on the same path. Or we may choose a particular path, but then rethink our decision.

One of the reasons we worry so much and wonder whether we are on the right track is that we often see decisions as long term, semi-permanent decisions.

If you are driving your car and you get onto a highway where there are no exits for 300 miles, you had better be certain that you are on the right road. Making the right decision is critical when you don’t have any alternative paths on which to travel. Most people relate to their decisions like hopping onto a road five-years-long with no exits – one road, no options, lots of traffic, and many potholes.

But what if you were on a beautiful winding country road where there are exits every mile, frequent intersections, and a rotary from time to time? What if you had many paths on which to travel, and from which to choose? Then making the right decision becomes less stressful, because you could always change direction. If you drove down a road like this, you would only have to plan to the next fork in the road.

Always move forward. Make decisions.  Movement in any direction is better than stagnation or indecision.

Special Goal-Free Living Offer

I recently sent a copy of my Goal-Free Living book to someone I worked with 20 years ago. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since the late 80’s. The wonders of social networks reconnected us after all of this time. After reading the book, he wrote the following…

The time is right for your message. A lot of people have to reflect on where they are, and where they are going. It helps to know the difference between a goal and an aspiration. In an earlier message to you I said that I consider myself goal-oriented. Thinking about your points, however, I guess I am more like a river person. I have aspirations, and they lead me to some really unexpected but very satisfying destinations. Like you say: it is important to seek out adventure.

Since becoming unemployed in December, I have had a number of chance meetings and interesting ideas. One led to a volunteer project resulting in a very successful fund-raising event. Another is an invention that I am working to patent. Two other ideas are being developed into business plans, with prospective backers for one of them already. That might lead to something else entirely. I don’t know where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in six months. That’s kind of scary, but I am optimistic that it will be good, so I am also very excited.

Today’s crisis is causing people a lot of pain and concern.  Financial security is eroding.  Job security is vanishing.  As a result, “happiness” seems to be at an all time low.

Call me crazy, but I strongly believe that my Goal-Free Living book can help people increase their level of satisfaction immediately. It can give them hope in a seemingly hopeless situation.

Therefore I am offering my book for only $8.95 postage paid. Although I lose money on every copy I sell, I want to get this into the hands of as many people as possible.

Please note the following restrictions:

• I can only offer this to US addresses (books will be shipped via media mail)
• You must be prepared to wait up to 4 weeks for delivery.  If you want faster delivery, you can buy the book from Amazon.com for $18.21.
• There are only 250 copies available at this price.

I hope you will take advantage of this offer and give the gift of hope to someone you care about.

Goals Gone Wild

My book, “Goal-Free Living,” provides counter-cultural perspectives on goal-setting.  I suggest that we are a nation of goalaholics, and that this is reducing creativity, productivity, and happiness.   Harvard Business School recently published an interesting paper, “Goals Gone Wild,” that supports my perspective.

The authors say…

In this article, we argue that the beneficial effects of goal setting have been overstated and that systematic harm caused by goal setting has been largely ignored. We identify specific side effects associated with goal setting, including a narrow focus that neglects non-goal areas, a rise in unethical behavior, distorted risk preferences, corrosion of organizational culture, and reduced intrinsic motivation.

Rather than dispensing goal setting as a benign, over-the-counter treatment for motivation, managers and scholars need to conceptualize goal setting as a prescription-strength medication that requires careful dosing, consideration of harmful side effects, and close supervision. We offer a warning label to accompany the practice of setting goals.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Why Being Self-Centered is Good

This may seem like an odd blog entry, but it has been the topic of conversation over many dinners recently.

Although we are taught from a young age that being self-centered is a bad thing, I think that more people would benefit from being this way. Let me explain.

To start off, I am not suggesting that people should be selfish. I think of selfish as being “exclusively concerned with oneself.”

Being self-centered – in my opinion – is entirely different.

Centering is what you base your life on.

My parents are children-centered. For them, my sister and I are the most important part of their life. They live vicariously through us.

I have friends who are spouse-centered. They do everything in their power to please their partner.

Too many of my friends are work-centered. Their job is the most important aspect in their life. They get meaning from their career. It is no surprise that men are twice as likely to die during their first five years of retirement, than they are prior to retirement.

Others are service-centered. They give their lives to charity and others. They sacrifice their own well-being in the name of contribution. Oprah may fall into this category. One of the reasons she claims she put on all of her weight is that she did not spend enough time taking care of herself.

Which leads us to the benefits of self-centering.

Throughout your life, there is only one constant. You. Your children may pass away before you do. Your spouse may, in spite of all of your loving, leave you. Your job (as many people are finding out) is only temporary. Even service to others can be fraught with challenges.  If you center on someone or something else, you may be giving up control of your life.

Only YOU will be around for as long as you live.

Therefore, instead of centering your life on someone or something that may not be around as long as you, maybe you should try being self-centered. This gives you some level of stability in an unpredictable world. Even the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition – “independent of outside force or influence” – supports this notion.

Anyone who has flown on a plane has heard the flight attendant say, “If the plane loses oxygen pressure for any reason, the oxygen masks will drop down out of the small overhead compartment. If you are seated next to someone who might need some assistance, you should put your own mask on first, and then breathe normally as you assist the other person.”

Take care of yourself first. Be centered. Be grounded. Take control of your life and don’t get derailed by circumstances around you.

Being self-centered is NOT the same as being selfish. Those who are self-centered are NOT narcissistic, hedonistic, or self-absorbed. Because self-centered individuals are more grounded, they are able to give even more to others.  They have the potential to be even more generous and to make even greater contributions.

In some respects, this is in line with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (pictured above). Self-actualization (which is where I put self-centering) is the highest level, higher than esteem, love/belonging, safety and physiological needs.  Interestingly, creativity is listed under self-actualization.

What do you think?

P.S. Some may argue a more theological perspective. For example, Stephen Covey (of the 7 Habits fame) authored, “The Divine Center: Why We Need a Life Centered on God and Christ and How We Attain It.” As I try to avoid religion and politics in this blog, I’ll leave this discussion for another time.

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