How to Balance Work and Life
July 20, 2007 by Stephen Shapiro
A few years back, I was an instructor of Stephen Covey’s “Principle Centered Leadership” course within Accenture. Over 75% of the attendees said that achieving balance in their life was their number one reason for taking the course. This is not surprising given the fast pace of life today.
But what does balance mean?
Balance implies two opposing forces that reach equilibrium. This is not very easy to do. Remember when you were a kid trying to balance with someone else on a sea saw? Either you were up or you were down. But rarely were you balanced.
In life, either we are working hard or we playing hard. But we are not in balance.
Maybe balance is not the solution. What’s the alternative? Integration.
Find ways of integrating your work life and personal life together. Make them indistinguishable, so that it is all just part of your life. In doing this, you free up more time (because you are often “killing two birds with one stone”), you gain new interests (because you often get involved in activities you might otherwise avoid or not make time for), and your life becomes whole rather than piecemeal.
One simple example is that of a professional speaker who loves golf. He now includes golf lessons as one of his client offerings. He gets to do what he loves while making money.
This concept applies to increasing time for relationships. Find ways of doing things together with your partner: hobbies, interests, chores, or even work. A husband and wife I know are actively involved in each other’s interests. He now takes cooking lessons with her (her interest), and she goes golfing with him (his interest). They created time by integrating their activities, enabling them to have more time for their individual pursuits.
How can you begin to integrate the pieces of you life?
The process is simple. First, look at what things interest you most. These can be anything from hobbies to professional interests to simple pleasures. Next, ask how you can shift your daily schedule to “imbed” these items activities in what you do. This will require some creative thinking. Finally, have the courage to ask for what you want. It’s not always easy, but it is always possible.
Many years ago, I decided I wanted to be a professional speaker and an author. Instead of leaving the security of my consulting job, I decided to shift my responsibilities to include writing and speaking as part of my job. Unfortunately, this role did not exist. Therefore I needed to “create” a position that was of value to the organization – and then have the courage to ask for it and make it happen. I did. And my idea grew into a 20,000 person organization. As part of my job, I wrote a book that was sold (internally) to 40,000 consultants and clients. I was giving as many as 100 speeches a year to tens of thousands of people. I integrated my professional aspirations into my daily job. This eventually led to a book deal with a major publisher, which I used to launch my professional speaker career.
Here’s a fantastic – and radical – example.
My brother-in-law, Gary, sells cancer insurance door-to-door. While I have no interest in perpetuating stereotypes, I am guessing that most people would cling happily to their current job if door-to-door sales was their only other alternative. But he likes it. It has afforded him the opportunity to meet wonderful people, help families in the community and make a fairly good living. While enjoyable, admittedly his job is not his passion. His passion is travel, and like most Americans, he squeezes this love into one, maybe two weeks over the course of a year.
One night, after a particularly difficult day on the job, Gary and my sister Deborah engaged in a conversation as to how he could create more passion within his career. It was unacceptable for them to wait for retirement or a windfall of money to land in their account. They wanted to live their dreams now, while they could. So they engaged in a spirited discussion and brainstormed through a variety of ways they could infuse more passion into their lives today.
After much deliberation, the pieces started to fit together. It just so happens that Gary’s company is licensed in 47 states around the country! And as long as there are doors to knock upon, he can work in any. It was in that very moment that the decision was made. They rolled up their sleeves, did a bit of research, sold their home and purchased a 38 foot motor home so that they could hit the road and do his door-to-door job, state-by-state. No longer would they have to pine for those measly two weeks per year to enjoy the beauties that this country has to offer. Now, they could live it every day.
Initially, the thought of living in a giant box for a year was a bit daunting for my sister. So it was her turn to explore her passions. Having been involved with numerous charitable organizations in the past, and having let that slip in recent years, she longed to get back into the community to make a difference. It occurred to Deb that they would be a rolling billboard, and there had to be a way to raise awareness and funds for a worthy organization given the continuous travel schedule they had created. It didn’t take long for Deb to partner with a charitable foundation, St. Baldrick’s, an organization that raises money to combat childhood cancer, to create a nationwide awareness tour.
Their lives are totally integrated. Gary can continue his day job, the two of them get to travel 100% of the time while spending more time together as a couple, and they get to make a difference in the world.
If you would like to learn more about their SuRVivor Tour or make a tax deductible contribution, visit them at www.thesurvivorrv.com. In support of my sister’s efforts, I will be donating an audio version of Goal Free Living for each contribution made to St. Baldrick’s of $50 or more.
Although Gary and Deborah’s idea of integration may be a bit radical for most, the concept of integration can be done for anyone in any position. All it requires is a bit of creative thinking, some risk taking, and asking for what you want.
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7 Responses to “How to Balance Work and Life”
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This is great Steve! Both your personal and your sister and her husband’s examples. You showed how you modeled shifting roles within your job position while nurturing your security and creativity needs. In the latter case you pictured very clearly your sister and her husband’s initiative in making their individual selfs shine while fostering their commitment to each other. Very inspiring!
I personally agree with you that the still point as suggested by the word balance doesn’t exist much in our lifes, but rather the felt absence of the aspect we are feeding less or the overwhelm of having invested too much in one side of the see saw. However, I do feel the still point can be felt by adopting an accepting attitude about things we cannot change at the moment and our “doable” part in how to move things forward. For me it is about maturity and taking responsibility for addressing the whole spectrum of what we feel we need but in phases, taking action first in areas we have commitments to pursude, to ourselves or to important people in our life.
When assignments require much mental and emotional energy and I like the job and to give the more of who I am, such it is the case now, I wonder how I would negotiate time and priorities in case that I were in intimate relationship. The responsibility of having the opportunity to impact the lives of many people long-term and to bring different stakeholders together for consensus requires from me -as I feel it, more than what I am “obligued”. I have come to Guyana to do something that has not been done before, and my role involves very much networking, education, public outreach, policy analysis and assessment, and all that with a cultural perspective and diplomatic flair. Each group (government, private sector, NGOs, communities, donors) has its power share, rules, preferences and dislikes -and prejudices, then there is the history of the country, the regional and international contexts. A country like Guyana, which means “the land of many waters” is a tresor in itself, much unknown. Life rhythm slows down just after the airplane lands, and all plans and assumptions need to be left behind to be present to the experience in all its plenitude.
Same as you chose to complicate your life -sure someone told you that as I have heard myself, by leading to create something in which you believed by going beyond formal constraints and policies, I am doing similar now. I could have thought previous to coming here that bringing the new would make things more difficult for me with others here.
Although there are certain resistences, I am discovering that barries disolve as by magic because the spark of my own enthusiasm and convincing power -based in grounded experience and knowledge, has a contagious energy that engages and invites to experiment. I had forgotten this because of life circumstances, but now this talent comes to the fore with full strenght, and I feel it is very positive because I am just being myself and trusting it. This is a wonderful discovery that also is coming with lots of enjoyment, pleasure, fun, friendship and support -independently of the career development part. So, I can see how trusting and living fully the process when I was in the lower sit of the see saw has served to arrange my internal resources in the most effective ways. This bear survived hibernation and is now enjoying a glorious summer!
Thank you again! And thank you for allowing me this personal blogging exercise that also may attract attention to this country. By now my energy is mostly out of the internet waves, concentrated in real rather than virtual presence. For those lovers of impressive waterfalls, google and have a look to what this land has to offer. Unforgettable.
What a great post. I’m a firm believer in the “integrated” life approach. I like to call it “Every Day is Saturday”. What this means to me is that each day I get to combine all of the things I love to do — from my work, to play, to exercise, to hanging with friends and family — into one big ongoing day that has nothing to do with our Gregorian calendar. In fact, I have a joke with the weekend doorman in my building that the only I know it’s Friday is that he shows up for work!
Sometimes it’s hard to have an integrated life when you are subject to someone else’s clock (i.e. at the office, on the factory floor), so if you can’t radically change your circumstances, like Deb and Gary and Steve have, then the challenge is to find ways to “feel” more integrated, even though you can’t live it full-throttle.
As for what Deb and Gary are doing, I’m so thrilled for them and so inspired. It is very, very Social Age and I look forward to supporting them as they criss-cross the country.
Fascinating subject…I have been recently experiencing a family situation that should lead us to important decision regarding our future…we have adopv pted a child from Russia in October:Alexander. Valeria, my wife and I have been struggling a lot in the last 8 months…it is a combination of factors, our inexperience in parenting, the little history we know of him and our constant preoccupation of his future health, grow, and god knows what else. We came to the conclusion that my wife requires more help during this time…unfortunately my job takes me so often outside the country and it is difficult to change unless I change job completely. We are now in the process of thinking about new solutions and I would love to have the courage you had in changing your lives for the best.There are many factors that limit our decisions: Alexander will not benefit from a dramatic change in his environment, he needs stability; I’m the only bread winner in the house; we are Italians but we live in England and all our relatives live in Italy…I define myself a cretive and risk taking man but my wife is more balanced and we are no more just a couple, Alexander needs are the most important at the moment. I wish I could find some inspiration from your confident life moves…
Hi Steve
I totally agree… integration is what it’s all about.
People ask me “what are your hobbies? what do you do for fun?” and they are surprised when I tell them “I don’t have hobbies. If there are things that I love to do, I do them in my everyday life and make them part of my work. My life is my fun, my life is my ‘hobby’”.
Many are shocked and find that hard to understand, but I’m opposed to the idea of separating work into one area of life, and enjoyment into another. That’s a very outdated way of thinking, and not for those of us who have freedom and opportunities to make different choices.
Ultimately life is all about choices, and we can have an integrated life if we choose to do so.
Thanks for the article!
Thanks for all of the great comments on this entry.
Lola, I love the way you think. “My life is my hobby” is a great mantra. I’ll have to remember that one.
Susanne, your “Every day is Saturday” is a fantastic expression! I love what it symbolizes. Interestingly, I love what I do so much that I often look forward to Monday!
Dom, thank you for your personal story. Your dedication to your child is inspiring. And truly I appreciate the challenges you face. Fortunately, integration does not require changing environments. Integration can in fact lead to greater stability. The biggest challenge is taking the time to think creatively about how you can accomplish this.
Rosario, I wish you all the best with your endeavours in Guyana. Sounds like you are on the right path. If barriers dissolve by magic, that is a pretty good sign!
I wish all of you the best in achieving integration in your lives.
Great ideas,
my thinking has changed a lot lately, thanks to you and others about how we have more options than we think we do.
We all grew up with go to school, get a good job which will consume most of your time stick it out ’til 65 then retire with a pension(?) to play golf or travel (total recreation).
It’s funny a lot of people pursue expensive hobbies which require extra work they may not
care for.(think integration). Now people work
real hard for years to build up a big asset(401k, business,etc.) so maybe in 20-30 yrs. they can “retire” to follow their passion.
Who wants to “retire” if you’re doing what you
love on your own terms and schedule? That could be a job(ft/pt) or self-employment. I’m
41 now, married with a 2 yr.old and I will be
“retired” (getting paid for my hobby) within 2-3 yrs. Think of the scheduling options. 3 or 4
day week doing what i love, a month off in the
summer, December off, whatever we want. Here’s how I know this will be reality:
I’ve got to have clear priorities(not goals).
I can’t have a status lifestyle and get this
free at the same time. We’ve been setting up our finances to support our transition. I’ve found low personal overhead plus 3-6 months expenses cash in the bank gives me more confidence, flexability and creativity in handling all of the details and adjustments of
this unusual, but fun lifestyle choice. One question I asked myself lately which helped me was, what are my skills, what are my passions and what would I do for free(that I could possibly be paid for)? Within a short time of asking myself this I was able to leave a new skill based position(it would have been ok) to a postion doing something I love and was going to volunteer my time to do but now will make a good income with a flexable schedule. If this postion didn’t work I’ll find something else I love because I’ve got cash in the bank.
By the way, my personal money numbers are currently very modest, but I believe this can
work at any economic level. I used to think I could have it all. I don’t believe that now but I know I can have THE BEST. That’s a personal decision but my “BEST” after great relationships and health is my personal freedom
such as described above. That’s helped make my decision making much clearer and less stressful knowing some things can wait until we’ve transitioned and some things I thought I really needed I probably don’t.
Thanks Stephen, for follwing your passion and sharing it with us.
[...] as they make their way across the states (yes, he knocks on people’s doors) . The idea is to integrate his work with their desire to be on “vacation” every day. They have now been on the road for [...]