Three Cheers for Change
I recently received an email with the subject line, “Three Cheers for Change.” It is the story of Erin McElvaney, and her interpretation of Goal-Free Living, based on her own experiences. For Erin, it means leading a life of adventure. For now, that is her compass setting. I predict that through her travels and new experiences, she will find something that really gets her jazzed up — something unpredictable — that will become her new compass setting. Something that will become a full-time entrepreneurial endeavor. Goal-Free Living is about playing full out in the game of life. What is the game you want to play?
By age 23, I was the poster child for “success” in the eyes of my family and friends. I had a great job at a leading technology company, where I had been working for a little over a year as a software engineer. I was making more money that 99% of the people in my graduating classes. In order to get there, I worked my butt off for years through college, maintaining 4.0′s and honors and taking internships and jobs all year round. I felt locked into my lifestyle. I *had* to take that job or *had* to apply for the *best* positions.
But work was not inspiring. None of my colleagues were happy. They worked 50+ hours a week and didn’t have much going on outside work. Morale was awful. The company didn’t care about us as employees. And you would be hard pressed to hear an interesting conversation on the whole campus of 10,000+ employees. After seeing how crummy full-time employment in a big tech company can be, I started to make some REAL changes…and I quit my job.
You should have seen their faces when I left. My boss assumed I had another job lined up. But I didn’t, and I couldn’t have been happier about it. In fact, what I had lined up was what I called “QUITFEST 2005″ — a string of celebrations and travels to commemorate the fact that I stuck through that job for a whole year.
I bought a one-way ticket to Europe – without a destination. I found out where I’d fly into on the day of my flight. I spent two months traveling Europe, mostly by myself. I started work on my own website that relates to travel. I’d love to help others plan their own trips abroad. Or help them NOT plan their trips. If you have too many goals in your travels, you miss out on some of the best parts –the adventures, mishaps, and meanderings.
Two months later I flew home for the holidays and have been working part time jobs doing marketing promotions. I am so happy to have social interaction in a job for once! I work as a photographer and promoter every weekend a few nights for an entertainment guide website. I also worked at a restaurant for the first time in my life. I loved it! I met some wonderful people who live amazingly real and happy lives, without all the stresses and goals of the people I spent so much time around in college and in my other job.
I am so excited about my present and my future nowadays. Years ago I was always looking for that future. It was as if I was planning for retirement before I even began my career! Now that I’m through my initial life-altering change, I’m looking forward to years more ahead of me. My daily activities have gone from “sitting at my desk, hating my pointless work, accumulating money in the bank because I have no vacation time to enjoy myself with” — to – “looking for odd jobs to help pay the bills, learning some Italian and planning my next adventure, after which I’ll be out interacting with strangers and meeting new people.”
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12 Responses to “Three Cheers for Change”
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Erin is a super amazing person! I am 100% sure that she will find what she wants in life and she will find it better than anyone else. If she ever starts her own company I will be her first investor so that I can make millions
Thanks for posting my thoughts, Stephen. And thanks for the confidence Pat
. If anyone wants to reach me, follow this link and you can find my address there: http://www.anticipatetravel.com/?cat=11
this is very interesting story i read. but how can you live your whole life just doing the odd jobs. you have to require money to have family, childerns. because you are the only person who can provide the good things of life. if i do not do it than who will do it. i am not advocating to do the meaningless work (work only for money) but having fun and no future looks scarry to me. can any body give any comment on this.
sanjay sharma, india
Sanjay, Although I tend to agree with you at some level, I have met many people during my travels who have successfully — and happily — taken on simple jobs while living a simple existence. For Erin, I suspect right now what she is doing is a “passion quest” — a period of time where she is exploring her interests, identifying opportunities, and meeting helpful people. Out of this, I predict she will find a more entrepreneurial path through life, one that brings her great pleasure and wealth. Time will tell. Steve
Sanjay, Stephen is pretty accurate in his assumption. Although it may be possible to make a career out of odd jobs indefinitely, I’m looking at it right now as a way to sustain myself while determining which direction to head in next. For instance, if I wanted to run my own company at some point, I could be doing odd jobs relating to that industry and to learn the skills I would eventually need to have.
Also, I’m not saying ‘odd jobs’ is for everyone. I would just hope that those who feel as though they have no other options than what they are doing right now can see that it’s not always true. Sometimes it’s just easier to stay where we are unhappy than to try to forge a new path.
HI EVERY ONE,
HOW CAN ONE LIVING A LIFE OF PASSION WHO HAS BURDEN OF HIS RESPONSIBILITY OF FAMILY. IT LOOKS VERY SCARRY TO ME.
BUT IT MAKE SENSE TO ME THAT WHEN WE CHOOSE TO ENTER THE AREA OF INTEREST WE ENTER TO RISK ZONE. IT IS A DECISION TIME FOR US TO KNOW WHAT WE WANT SECURITY OR PASSION.
BUT YOU SAY MR. STEPHEN SHAPIRO THAT PASSION CREATE THE MONEY ITSELF. BUT IN THE INITIALL PERIOD DOUBTS CREATE A WORST STRESS ON A PERSON WHO HAS A RESPONSIBILITY. BUT IF YOU SAY AFTER INITIAL PERIOD PASSION CREATE THE MONEY THAN I HAVE TO BELIEVE IT. BECAUSE YOU MEET THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CHOOSE PASSION INSTEAD OF SECURITY.
BUT STILL THE MATTER UPTO US WHAT WE CHOOSE SECURITY OR PASSION. THANK MR. STEPHEN SHAPIRO FOR WRITING SUCH A BEAUTIFULL BOOK. I HAVE NOT READ IT YET BUT LOOK GOOD TO ME. WHEN IT COME TO INDIA I DEFINATELY READ IT. I AM WAITING FOR THAT PERIOD AND ALSO TRYING TO CHOOSE THE DECISION OF PASSION.
SANJAY SHARMA, INDIA (sanjay_sharma71@sify.com)
I can feel Erin’s contagious excitement about her new life!, as can also feel the mixture of thrilled curiosity and dread prevention stirred in Sanjay about her choice, and the apparent happines is bringing, has brought and promise to bring to her life. Perhaps, Sanjay, what you don’t realize is the similar doubting process that Erin went through that is not reflected once she’s running on a new path. And even, if it was not that way, there is a different rhythm for each one, a different pace that perfectly suits each personality and character. In your country, Sanjay, you have the ancient tradition of pilgrimage, the wanderer tradition also shared by many other cultures in the world. To make a life change relevant to you, it migh help to frame it within a culturally meaningful context for you, finding role models in the past and present you can feel you can relate to. And I can help with it, so that you may better “enter” Erin’s bubbling mental space of “passion quest” as Steve says, or pilgrimage of the self. In the last February newsletter from Lisa Haisha -a wonderful American creative woman- (www.lisahaisha.com/) she shares Nipun Metha’s story (not sure if American citizen, but resident in California and with Indian ancestry). He is in his early thirties and after quiting his computer job embarked on a one year journey with his wife six months after they got married. He says: “Six months into our marriage, we left home to journey India by foot. Living on dollar a day, eating wherever food is offered, sleeping wherever a flat surface is found, ours was an unscripted spiritual pilgrimage to greet life in the farthest corners of our own consciousness. As we walked, we learned much about India, a lot about humanity and most about the stranger we call ‘I’”. The couple decided to leave American comfort behind and set on a journey “to cultivate our own hearts, to develop our vision to see the good in all life”. He relates his meetings with ordinary and extra-ordinary heroes -as Steve does from his own passion quest or pilgrimage-. E.g.: the story of a 36-year-old farmer(http://ijourney.org/story.php?sid=18), who as a reply to Nipun’s question “What are the inspirations in your life?”, he said: “The sky because it is so infinite.My mom. She gave me all my values. And the sea. It can take the burdens of everyone and still flow effortlessly”. You all will love this farmer’s story. It sounds so goal-free in his major life decisions, whether to decide to marry, organise a village or share his products. You can make a passion quest alone or you can go with somebody who deeply share same purpose. Nipun and Guri shared that level of love and is reflected in their public committment to one another through seven vows. You can have a look to it(http://nipun.charityfocus.org/blog/ar/personal/000116.html). They are running a successful volunteer-based charity, and are evolving their purpose out of their decision to live a meaningful life. Nipun refers to his pilgrimage as “a journey, without a destination.” And this mades me think of Satish Kumar, a former Jain monk who describes his long walking pilgrimage in his autobiography “A path with no destination”. Satish is a very special person I met and had many talks to while studying and volunteering for the community at Schumacher College, South England, where he is educational director. He is also editor of Resurgence, a wonderful magazine full of inspiration about contemporary issues(http://www.resurgence.org/satish/index.htm). You may also want to have a look to another resource, from a wonderful Indian journalist I met at the school, Rajni Bakshi. She has written a book on the passionate and creative India’s face many don’t know about, “Bapu Kuti: Journeys in rediscovery of Gandhi”. On the powerful transformational movement (social, economic, and spiritual) derived from the gatherings around the kuti (hut) that Bapu (Gandhi) occupied during his life. I had my own spiritual pilgrimage to indescriptible India in the 1992. I also travelled there as a couple, and changed my life in many ways -one clear is that I got married there!!-. However, you don’t have to embark on a physical journey to undertake an inner one, the pilgrimage can take place remaining where you are. In my case, it is happening now in that more subtle way. So, as you see, the opportunities are many, varied, and even customised for what YOU may choose to do, whenever, however, or wherever you will feel appropriate. And, as Steve says, whenever the pull comes or the voice is strong enough, TRUST IT!.
THANKS MR. ROSARIO,
FOR GIVING SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SUPPORT WITH FULL OF ILLUSTRATION. I SEE IT RIGHT NOW AND FEEL VERY GOOD ABOUT IT. YOU JUDGE VERY CORRECTLY THAT I AM CURIOUS AND FEEL JOY FOR TAKING A LIFE BASED ON THE PASSION AND ALOGNWITH IT I AM ALSO HAVING A FULL BAG OF FEAR WHICH TRYING TO STOP ME AND SAYING FIRST YOU HAVE TO ARRANGE THE SECURITY AND THAN GO FOR IT. IF I FAIL THAN I CAN LIVE MY LIFE BASED ON THAT SECURITY. AND I ALSO KNOW THAT IF I HEAR AND APPLY THE SUGGESTION OF FIRST ARRANGE THE SECURITY THAN I AM NOT ABLE TO JOIN THE PASSION LIFE IN FUTURE. IT IS A CHOICE RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE. BUT FIRST I HAVE TO CLEAR MYSELF ABOUT ALL THESE THINGS.
I AM APPRECIATE YOUR EFFORTS BECAUSE PRIOR TO THIS I THINK ONLY WESTERN WORLD CAN LIVE FOR COURAGE AND IN INDIA IT IS NOT POSSIBLE BUT YOU PROVE ME WRONG TELL ME WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING. MANY THANKS FOR IT.
I AM GOING THROUGH THESE ANSWERS SERIOUSLY AND I WILL DEFINATELY LET YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FUTURE ENDEAVOUR WHETHER I IMPLEMENT THE PASSION LIFE OR NOT.
BUT I ALSO HAVE ONE QUESTION IN MIND HOW CAN ONE IDENTIFY THE NATURAL ABILITY ONE HAS IN HIM WHICH IS UNIQUE TO HIM AND WHAT HE IS PASSIONATE ABOUT. I HAVE SOME CONFUSION ABOUT THIS.
YOUR COMMENT IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED. AND ONE MORE THING I AM NOT FEMALE I AM MALE.
SANJAY SHARMA, INDIA (sanjay_sharma71@sify.com)
Sanjay, thank you for your kind words. We are in this learning journey together, and as you question, I do, so we help each other to understand better our hearts. I thought that you were a man, I don’t know why, althoug now that you clarify that you are male, I find that I wrote badly in English and said “her” when i was refering to Erin’s choice, not yours. I am a Spanish woman, and as in your case, English is not my first language. So, you see that even we are together in the sharing of misunderstandings!!!. One thing: I would like to know if you are Sanjay Sharma who has worked and written with Stuart Hart. Now, to your question, which i address by sending the ball back again to your court, to your country and culture, to the life of Srinivasa Ramanujan (1887-1920). He was a Hindu genius with a supernatural intelligence for mathematics, who astounded the great math brains of England in his time, despite his lack of formal higher education. He was almost worshiped for his appalling gift in turning complex theorems into simple solutions described as “beautifulâ€, “humble†or “transcendentâ€. However, his life reflects the duality of great geniuses when confronted to harsh reality and the inner split of needing to make a living against the inevitable pull to remain faithful to their passion -which because is passion is often instinctual and unstoppable-. So, if he was a luminary in math at twelve, he was a disaster in other subjects, included English, although he could speak it. Then, as he had to support a family, he chose to work as a clerk -same job that Einstein, who ruminated his passion at odd hours- and filled notebooks with formulas that his contemporary could not explain or imagine their origin from a human mind.
One of the most interesting things for me, and rarely mentioned in his portraits, is that he stated that his musings came from whisperings at night from the goddess Namagiri, to whom his family was devotee. Now, historical accounts still diminish such facts as anecdotic because the rational mind of the rational scientist still interfere with our human capacity to imagine that science and art may walk hand by hand. And, so, the intellectual and intuitive functions may be mutually enhancing for generating creative solutions in science. But the fact is that he divided his time into a boring day accounting job for 20 pounds a year, and his more exciting nights under the psychic tutelage of Namagiri and the caring feeding of rice balls by his dedicated wife.
You may find the study of Ramanujan’s life as a tremendous source of inspiration for your current concerns and inner split. You can relate to the humanness of being divided between a passion and the need to pay the bills. You may say that in the case of Ramanuja was easier because he had an acknowledged passion, and you are intending to identify what is it. And I think that the response lies in courage, knowing that courage comes from root latin coure, corazón in Spanish, which is heart. I believe that at the heart is where the inspiration (the word that Steve uses instead of goal) can be found, because is where a passion turns into devotion, which I imagine that was Ramanujan’s case, as he expressed externally creative thoughts and was not ashamed of recognising a connection with the spiritual world or the unseen world, we could say. And that’s a gift for many cultures around the globe, when they remain faithful and authentic to their core beliefs, values, and cosmologies. It is a gift in your culture. And it is a challenge in yours as well as in many others to remain faithful to it -mine, for instance-, to not wait for foreign recognision to validate national talent and genius. Unfortunately, Ramanujan was a reflection of that circumstance, as he died very young (32) after returning very ill from Cambridge, UK. He sucummbed to the harship of alien cultural conditions and isolation, making the strangeness of food, climate, and communication the cause for breaking his health and heart. However short, I think that his life is of enormous inspiration to us all, and I especially trust for very young people, as makes possible to believe in a passionate life even in the midst of urgent needs to sustain life. I find very beautiful the description of his biographer, Robert Kanigel (“The man who knew infinity: A life of the genius Ramanujanâ€) , of his ability to be open to pleasure and joy despite difficulties. He says: “Few can say much about his work, and yet something in the story of his struggle for the chance to pursue his work on his own terms compels the imagination, leaving Ramanujan a symbol for genius, for the obstacles it faces, for the burden it bears, for the pleasure it takes in its own existence.â€
So, I propose that you investigate where your familiar or personal fondness for a special deity and his/her quality lies, perhaps Parvati for wisdom, Ganesha for dispelling obstacles, or just Shakti for creative power; and request to be given viveka, discrimination, clarity, sharp seeing and knowing. And then, you may also want to ask for inspiring dreams to be whispered the things you love most, which your heart aches to nurture , and which your mind, very mischievously, pretends that you have forgotten. I am sure, that, anyway, you can start to feel joyful, abundant, and hearty passionate for the small things that you are surrounded by in your family and friends’ circle (perhaps a loving dish of rice balls by your wife, or the warmth of children playing around, your climate, simple chats and jokes…) and that Ramanujan, despite his great genius, missed so much when, supposely, he was fully following his passionate vocation. So, if happiness is a thing that rarely comes fully at once, maybe better to sip it as it comes with total pleasure, joy, and gratitude (maybe some Hindu deity whispered me this last thought).
Perhaps Steve has another deity whispering him this ideas of goal-free living or “playing full out in the game of life”.
I always remember the day I gave up my “safe” job as a senior clerk typist working for the government. At the party my coworkers gave I played, Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow”, hearing that song always brings back that turning point in my life. It was a little scary, thank god, I had the courage. I was miserable in a job that kept me inside and chained to a desk all day. I ended up doing temporary work, renovating houses, going to college, travelling through Europe and working in the film industry as a well paid freelancer. I’m always happy when I hear of others following their hearts, taking risks and enriching their lives and opening up their worlds in the process. The world is changing. You can no longer depend on a corporation taking care of you. Look at what happened to the steel workers, etc. who believed that they would be well taken care of in their retirement if they just stayed with their employers long enough. Today’s world calls for individuals to be entrepeneurs to survive, I believe it is best to have a high level of independence. This is my opinion and I know there are a lot of ways to live but this has really worked well for me. I love hearing about Erin’s journey in life. I wish everyone the strength to investigate the possibilities in life, the courage to dream big, the ability to enjoy life in the present and the spirit to live life to the fullest.
HI ROSARIO,
I AM NOW MOVING FROM IMPRESSED FROM YOU TO ENVY YOU. IN THE LAST TWO WRITING YOU HAVE WROTE TERRIFICALLY TOO MUCH FOR ME. I AM REALLY FEEL NOT ONLY GOOD BUT FIND IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO DIGEST THIS INFORMATION YOU HAVE PROVIDED. EVERYTHING IN THE INDIAN CONTEXT. I AM REALLY INTERSTED TO KNOW ABOUT YOU AND WANTED TO MAKE YOU A E-MAIL FRIEND. AND SHARE THE KNOWLEDGE. IT TAKE FOUR DAYS FOR ME TO REPLY YOUR MAIL BUT RIGHT NOW I AM IN THE MESS IN THE OFFICE SO I CANNOT REPLY YOU NOW. BUT WAIT FOR MY REPLY. TILL THAN
BYE
SANJAY SHARMA, INDIA sanjay_sharma71@sify.com
Erin,
Seems to me you are on the correct path.
It seems we live a life of deadlines and goals that MUST be met. However if these must do things are really analyzed especially post deadline or even viewed a year later…what was all the fuss.
Erin, take the time out and smell the roses and just see how many opportunities pop your way.
This can also be called the “Law of Attraction” and it can be based on your mindset.
Its kind of like driving along in a car and being the Driver .. totally focussed on the road but not looking right or left or up or down. Ok you may get there but you missed a lot of the sights along the way. Colin