Comments on: The Unexpected Exceeds Expectations http://www.steveshapiro.com/2006/01/30/the-unexpected-exceeds-expectations/ Steve shares his unconventional approach on Business Innovation, Creativity, Goals and Critical Thinking Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:12:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Rosario http://www.steveshapiro.com/2006/01/30/the-unexpected-exceeds-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-277 Rosario Wed, 01 Feb 2006 20:13:21 +0000 http://www.goalfree.com/?p=170#comment-277 You sound very happy with all the fun that happened spontaneously, and it felt contagious!. Like you found what you need it, perhaps not what you wanted. Although not what you had previously expected, you moved with fluidity and enjoyed a lot!. How envious of the piano party!!. In my case, I have experienced for a long time the particular challenge of discriminating between expectation and hope. At certain point they can feel like relatives, but not, they are not, that's the cheating bandit appearance. Especially, in relationships matters,I could recall several embarrasing experiences of high expectations that I created on my own, inflating perceptions up to the point of hollywood fantasy. And, I lament time gone in such an useless and unproductive way. Well, of course, trusting that I am never lost, and that everything is a learning experience, then, I can take all experiences as positive and, just move on...and maybe, even capitalise on it and create a master degree in fantasy for people suffering from boredom. The last bubble, however, has been so instructive in its long elusiveness, that has brought attached the bonus of great awakening and decision to just say enough of this limitation, and now, I want the real thing!. In October 2004 I took an international six hour flight to NY for work reasons, where I met a man and had an spontenous great three hour conversation that seemed so natural, warm, and comfortable. He contacted me later through e-mail expressing a mixture of acknowledgment and attraction, and the wish to meet again whenever I would go back. I responded with appreciation, gratitude, and also acknowledgement. In December I travelled again to NY, and although I justified it for work reasons, I really did not need to go, so I uncovered the underlying desire to carry on with more conversations with that man, and did not hesitate to take another six hour flight -although the illusion was that it felt like goal free-. We managed to meet up again over more coffee a couple of times, and also other day for dinner. It was great, although i had "sensed" that this time it took a while to agree on a meeting because he seemed to have many difficulties and excuses to find time. We talked about everything, very fluidly and joyfully, and even tapped into some confidentiality. But after that occasion, silence and no e-mail was the response. And I could not understand well. After a few months and some of my willingness to follow up communication, he revealed he was in a relationship and felt bad about the attraction. That annoyed me, why to hide such thing?. His relationship seemed to not exist during those long shared conversations. Why to keep it occult?. That annoyed me, but accepted it, and persisted in offering a friendship. After several months of spare communications, he confessed a month ago that he has a wife. The thing is that I had already realised I had been keeping expectations thinking that he might have a girlfriend, no committed relationship -in other words, I did not want to see-. But he had a wife!!. How he could hide a wife under a rut??. Was she a phantom??. Well, she has been for twelve months, until he decided to make her alive. It made me realise the importance of clarity and honesty in communication, from the very beginning. Assuming responsibility not just for what you ask, but also for what you don't ask, for being honest and express truth as to decide boundaries, and avoid any misleading confusion. Someone once told me that when French actor and singer Maurice Chevalier -the latin lover but in French version- met his great love, she went right through his big ego of successful lover and said very calmly: "You don't need to flatter me. Just tell me what is in your heart". So, I think that I succumbed to flattery, and because I have learned the lesson and gained a healthy dosis of mature eskepticism will be very prevented to flattery as opposed to communicating from the heart. Especially, because I have honestly looked at how I did not want myself to create heart-based relationships. Oh!, well, I said quite the contrary with my full mouth, but not with my full heart -simply, it was not true. I was scared of risking to be known, of intimacy, and prefered to fantasize in a bubble of flattery, because there is not risk at all in it. Now, it is very beautiful and unbelivable to realise that still the heart wants to remain vulnerable and open no matter what, that finds a way to wait until its longing is heard and embraced. That chooses faithfully to hope instead of to expect. That has infinite resilience, patience, and total faith in its capacity to believe, and to love, if given an opportunity. It is such a child!!. So, in that childlike quality of the heart is that I imagine that we have to tap if we want to be able to catch the soft knocks of opportunity that exists around. Because they may be subtle as compared to the louder flattering noise. There is no way I can make sense of all the turns, ups, downs, deviations, confusions, bends, stops, traffic jams, fogs, that can happen on the way to befriend and trust the heart. And better to not try to understand it, such a mystery!. As the Inuit say: "Every day there is your agenda, and there is the Mystery's agenda". But also Van Morrison tells the way beautifully in his song: THE MYSTERY Let go into the mystery let yourself go. You've got to open up your heart That's all I know. Trust what I say and do what You're told Baby and all your dirt will turn into gold. Let go into the mystery let yourself go. When you open up your heart You get everything you need. Baby there's a way and a mystic road. You've got to have some faith To carry on... It goes on, but too long... It's track 2 in "Poetic Champions Compose" album, following the introductory "Spanish steps" melody. It's a great wonderful incredible album. Could be listening to it for hours and days. My heart loves it. You sound very happy with all the fun that happened spontaneously, and it felt contagious!. Like you found what you need it, perhaps not what you wanted. Although not what you had previously expected, you moved with fluidity and enjoyed a lot!. How envious of the piano party!!. In my case, I have experienced for a long time the particular challenge of discriminating between expectation and hope. At certain point they can feel like relatives, but not, they are not, that’s the cheating bandit appearance. Especially, in relationships matters,I could recall several embarrasing experiences of high expectations that I created on my own, inflating perceptions up to the point of hollywood fantasy. And, I lament time gone in such an useless and unproductive way. Well, of course, trusting that I am never lost, and that everything is a learning experience, then, I can take all experiences as positive and, just move on…and maybe, even capitalise on it and create a master degree in fantasy for people suffering from boredom. The last bubble, however, has been so instructive in its long elusiveness, that has brought attached the bonus of great awakening and decision to just say enough of this limitation, and now, I want the real thing!. In October 2004 I took an international six hour flight to NY for work reasons, where I met a man and had an spontenous great three hour conversation that seemed so natural, warm, and comfortable. He contacted me later through e-mail expressing a mixture of acknowledgment and attraction, and the wish to meet again whenever I would go back. I responded with appreciation, gratitude, and also acknowledgement. In December I travelled again to NY, and although I justified it for work reasons, I really did not need to go, so I uncovered the underlying desire to carry on with more conversations with that man, and did not hesitate to take another six hour flight -although the illusion was that it felt like goal free-. We managed to meet up again over more coffee a couple of times, and also other day for dinner. It was great, although i had “sensed” that this time it took a while to agree on a meeting because he seemed to have many difficulties and excuses to find time. We talked about everything, very fluidly and joyfully, and even tapped into some confidentiality. But after that occasion, silence and no e-mail was the response. And I could not understand well. After a few months and some of my willingness to follow up communication, he revealed he was in a relationship and felt bad about the attraction. That annoyed me, why to hide such thing?. His relationship seemed to not exist during those long shared conversations. Why to keep it occult?. That annoyed me, but accepted it, and persisted in offering a friendship. After several months of spare communications, he confessed a month ago that he has a wife. The thing is that I had already realised I had been keeping expectations thinking that he might have a girlfriend, no committed relationship -in other words, I did not want to see-. But he had a wife!!. How he could hide a wife under a rut??. Was she a phantom??. Well, she has been for twelve months, until he decided to make her alive. It made me realise the importance of clarity and honesty in communication, from the very beginning. Assuming responsibility not just for what you ask, but also for what you don’t ask, for being honest and express truth as to decide boundaries, and avoid any misleading confusion. Someone once told me that when French actor and singer Maurice Chevalier -the latin lover but in French version- met his great love, she went right through his big ego of successful lover and said very calmly: “You don’t need to flatter me. Just tell me what is in your heart”. So, I think that I succumbed to flattery, and because I have learned the lesson and gained a healthy dosis of mature eskepticism will be very prevented to flattery as opposed to communicating from the heart. Especially, because I have honestly looked at how I did not want myself to create heart-based relationships. Oh!, well, I said quite the contrary with my full mouth, but not with my full heart -simply, it was not true. I was scared of risking to be known, of intimacy, and prefered to fantasize in a bubble of flattery, because there is not risk at all in it. Now, it is very beautiful and unbelivable to realise that still the heart wants to remain vulnerable and open no matter what, that finds a way to wait until its longing is heard and embraced. That chooses faithfully to hope instead of to expect. That has infinite resilience, patience, and total faith in its capacity to believe, and to love, if given an opportunity. It is such a child!!. So, in that childlike quality of the heart is that I imagine that we have to tap if we want to be able to catch the soft knocks of opportunity that exists around. Because they may be subtle as compared to the louder flattering noise. There is no way I can make sense of all the turns, ups, downs, deviations, confusions, bends, stops, traffic jams, fogs, that can happen on the way to befriend and trust the heart. And better to not try to understand it, such a mystery!. As the Inuit say: “Every day there is your agenda, and there is the Mystery’s agenda”. But also Van Morrison tells the way beautifully in his song:

THE MYSTERY

Let go into the mystery
let yourself go.
You’ve got to open up your heart
That’s all I know.
Trust what I say and do what
You’re told
Baby and all your dirt will turn
into gold.

Let go into the mystery
let yourself go.
When you open up your heart
You get everything you need.
Baby there’s a way and a mystic road.
You’ve got to have some faith
To carry on…

It goes on, but too long… It’s track 2 in “Poetic Champions Compose” album, following the introductory “Spanish steps” melody. It’s a great wonderful incredible album. Could be listening to it for hours and days. My heart loves it.

]]> By: Smarky http://www.steveshapiro.com/2006/01/30/the-unexpected-exceeds-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-276 Smarky Tue, 31 Jan 2006 12:08:06 +0000 http://www.goalfree.com/?p=170#comment-276 Heh quite the party person eh? :P Heh quite the party person eh? :P

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