Create Many Paths

I am putting the finishing touches on the manuscript for Goal-Free Living. During the editing process, a lot of material has been left on the cutting room floor. From time to time, I will post some of these materials, starting with this one here. This piece talks about my cross-country trip, and a relatively long non-stop stretch from Atlanta to New Orleans. Eight hours alone in the car. I had plenty of time to think and reflect across vast reaches of land. I turned on my digital tape recorder and rambled some thoughts. I call this “The Road (I Wish Were) Less Traveled.”

On virtually empty two-lane highways, a few cars and trucks move quickly from one place to another. But do the drivers take time to look out the window and see what is around them? Or are they focused on constantly moving from point to point? Where is everyone going in such a rush?

My original objective was to use my drive time as an opportunity to listen to the tapes of the interviews I conducted and to take notes in my digital recorder. But I find my mind wandering during these vast stretches of nothingness. It is difficult to stay focused mentally. And maybe that was a good thing. Keeping busy during a trip is not the same thing as being in the moment. Allowing my mind to wander can in fact be an example of what it means to “be in the moment.” We often try and keep ourselves busy to avoid the thoughts in our heads. But creativity and clarity can emerge when the head is clear. Rather than cramming more into our grey matter, maybe we need time to empty our minds and create space.

In the distance I see a backup of cars and trucks. As I approach, the traffic begins to clog. I quickly go from zipping along at the speed limit to major congestion and barely crawling. How can this be? There were no cars on the road for many miles. I see a sign. “Construction 2 miles ahead.” Traffic slows further as people merge into one lane. This is a metaphor for life itself. We are often moving quickly along the highway of life, then when you least expect it, you hit a roadblock. If you are on a path that does not allow you to deviate, and others are on the same path, you have no choice but to wait in line with everyone else moving towards the same destination. This is what happened with the dot com boom followed by the dot bomb bust. Everyone was on the same highway (the superhighway) moving at breakneck speed, only to find that a speed bump in the road brought everyone and the economy to a screeching halt. What if, instead of designing your life as a highway leading to a goal you’re trying to reach, think of it as an ocean. When I was in Miami on a boat on the Atlantic Ocean, I was amazed at how few boats there were in the water. An ocean of choice stretched out before me. When you have limitless paths to take, there is a comfortable fluidity. There is more pleasure. And as you are on a different path than everyone else, you don’t get stuck in life’s traffic.

When yachting through your “open seas”, use a compass as your guide. Constantly readjust to make sure that you are tracking properly, as winds, rough seas, and other vessels can throw you off course. Make your adjustments in real time, in the moment. Feel free to travel off the beaten path. There are no real destinations in life, despite what you may have been taught from an early age.

Embrace Your Limits

A little more than a week ago, I was giving a friend a piggy-back ride. I lost my balance and fell forward on the sidewalk – with the weight of my friend falling on my head. Rather than my hands breaking my fall, my nose broke my fall…and my nose broke in the process. I have a huge gash on my nose and upper lip. A dozen stitches later, I look like Frankenstein’s ugly brother. While waiting 6 hours in the emergency room for the plastic surgeon, I contemplated the coming days and weeks. A time which would be a real test of my ability to “Embrace my limits.”

My looks were my shadow side – one of my limits. We may not want to admit it, but in our society, looks do matter. And I always had a deeply rooted belief that my looks contributed to and were critical to my successes in life. So, throughout my life, I lived in fear of the day when my looks — and hence my success — would vanish. That day is now here. When I look in the mirror I don’t see me anymore. Only bruises, gashes, stitches, dried blood, and open wounds.

A few days after the accident, I decided that I was well enough to venture out into the real world. I wandered down to a local nightclub. Rather than trying to hide my face, I walked in proud and confident. When people asked what happened, I would share with them the story. I definitely was not looking for sympathy. I wanted to be treated just the way I had always been treated. And I was. What I realized is that these bumps and bruises have not changed me in any substantial way. In fact they have freed me. Freed me from a hidden (and unhealthy) vanity that used to drive me at a subconscious level. This doesn’t mean I will no longer care about my looks. It only means that I am freed from the pressure of having to look good.

By recognizing and embracing your limits – the things that have a stranglehold on you – you can free yourself to be who you really are. When you do this, you realize that no matter what happens, no one can take away the real you.

Update September 15. My face is healing quickly and I am almost back to my “original” looks. In case you don’t know what I look like, click here

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