Goal-Free Challenges

February 8, 2005  

Goal-Free Living is a set of principles that can be applied to many different aspects of your life. And for each of us, there are some areas where we find it more difficult to achieve goallessness. Even I, someone who has been able to apply goal-free concepts to nearly every aspect of my life, have specific circumstances where I find it difficult. One area where I sometimes find it challenging is in new romantic relationships.

A while ago I was in a relationship with a woman who was beautiful, vivacious, and passionate. But there were issues. She was thinking of moving to another state, and this made me wonder if the relationship would last. So I tried to remain detached and to just enjoy each day without worrying about the future. A good goal-free concept. But my insecurity about the situation made detachment nearly impossible. Instead, I ended up trying harder and harder to keep her, and in the process ended up smothered her; I came across as clingy and needy. The outcome? We are no longer dating. The more I tried to make things work, the less likely they were to work. Paradoxically, too much attachment to an outcome often yields a failure in achieving it.

What area of your life do you feel insecure, or the risks seem high? Unless you can change your perspective, these may be difficult areas to remain goal-free.